Learning and Pain

I just had the worst 24 hours of self-doubt in my writing career.

It started out with a standard R from a very nice editor, which I couldn’t let just sit there. Mistake #1. I responded to the R that I thought it was some of the best stuff I’d written (which I did believe up to that moment in time), and had she really read it? (Oh yeah, not a wise move on any planet. It was a genuine question—I really did want to know—but there’s just no way to make that question sound nice in email.)

She responded, very nicely, that yes, she’d read it. “The story didn't engage me and lacked the depth in plot and characterization we look for. I found the writing and characters to be flat, and requiring a stronger heroine.” Okay, yeah. A story I really loved actually sucked—no mistake. No confusion. (A buddy of mine once pointed out to me that “the truth is a bitter pill that goes down better with a Whine Cooler.” I think about that.)

And Step 1 of my massive insecurity complex and crisis of faith is complete.

Step 2 began that evening. Another buddy of mine mentioned a first paragraph contest to me, and I thought, “I’ll find something to enter.” So I ran a few possible beginnings by her. Oh yeah, step 2 was underway.

---
“The sound of slogging boots joined the jerky movements of her body and woke her. Shifting images of trees, mountains and driving snow flickered. Her mind didn’t want to cooperate as she tried to form clear thoughts, but each jarring, agonizing movement helped focus it.

She was alive. Someone was carrying her and each step he took awoke a new stabbing agony. Where were they going? Who was he?
---

“No.”

“No? Just ‘no’?

“It’s flat. I don’t understand what’s happening. There’s nothing there. And it’s 2 paragraphs, not one.”

There was that word again...flat. “How about this one?”

---
Harrison’s face drained of color. Crete set the plate of eggs, bacon and toast on the diner table in front of him. “Eat something, man. You look like hell.”

His brother pushed the plate away, shook out his fifth cigarette and applied the lighter with trembling hands. “I can’t think about food. I can’t think about anything but all that blood. Crete, man, he’s going to kill me.”
---
“No. It’s also 2 paragraphs and it’s flat.”

Conversation ensues with me being irritated and developing a righteous hate for the word “flat” while trying to understand what the everlovin’ crap she’s talking about.

“Read some of the entries. See which ones work.”

So I do read them—about a hundred of them, and we’re still talking. “Oh, man, this one stinks. I didn’t make it past the first two sentences.”

“Uh huh.”

“And this one...ugh. Boring!”

“Yepper.”

“Hey I like this one. Listen to this:”

---
My best friend, William Ottern – Ott to most everyone he knows -- forbade me to come here today. That’s what he said. Forbade. “I forbade you to go, Carson Flynn, you fucker. I forbade you. The Wilkes Club is filled with nothing but assholes and you know this. Don’t act like you don’t know this,” were his exact words.

–a YA entry from someone named CC
---
“Instant voice. We’re in the story!”

“Yes. We are,” she says.

This goes on for a while. Some of the entries are fantastic—some are “flat”...the clouds are parting and yes, the pill is sliding down easier now. But I’m still pissed to the sky.

“I’m going to bed now.”

“K. See you tomorrow.”

Not if I stay invisible on Yahoo you won’t, I thought.

But as my mother always says, “There are few things a good night’s sleep and a hot shower can’t cure.” I got both. I went to work, I came home. I fixed them both.

She appears again. I take the high road and bravely (or stupidly—wasn’t sure at that point) show her the rewrite:

---
The sound of slogging boots joined the jerky movements of her body. Someone was carrying her. Shifting images of trees, mountains and driving snow flickered in her vision. The woods. Something bad had happened here. The snow pelting her cheeks helped wake her but did nothing to alleviate the alternating piercing and throbbing pain in her chest, neck and right knee. She should be dead; she was sure of it. Every crunch of the boots awoke a new stabbing agony. She couldn’t get her mind to remember why, but each jarring step confirmed one thing—she wasn’t dead.
---
“That’s much better!”

Nodding, I show the other:

---
His brother’s face was drained of color, his sweaty, black hair framing the pasty flesh. When they were kids Harrison continually stumbled into shit and ended up stinking more than a three-hole outhouse. Twenty years later, he’d learned exactly nothing. Crete shoved a plate of eggs, bacon and toast in front of him, but he pushed the plate away. Shaking a cigarette from his crumpled pack, he applied the lighter with trembling hands. “He’s going to kill me.”
---

“Yes! Not flat at all!”

Now, neither is great literature. I know this. But I also know that they are better. They make sense for one thing. And neither are two paragraphs masquerading as one.

Another writing crisis averted. Hey, check out the contest. Even if you don’t enter, it’s very instructive.
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Nathan Bransford is having a first paragraph contest. If you haven’t entered, you’re missing the party, and I do mean party. As of this morning, over 1600 entries.

http://blog.nathanbransford.com/2009/10/3rd-sort-of-annual-stupendously.html

Cancer and What We Can Do

Over half a million people in the United States will die this year with some form of cancer—around 1500 people a day. Cancer is the second most common cause of death in the US, exceeded only by heart disease. In the US, cancer accounts for nearly 1 of every 4 deaths.

But what can we do about it??

The American Cancer Society estimates that in 2009 about 169,000 cancer deaths are expected to be caused by tobacco use...completely preventable.

Scientific evidence suggests that about 187,446 cancer deaths will be related to being overweight, physical inactivity, and poor nutrition and thus could also be prevented.

Certain cancers are related to infectious agents, such as hepatitis B virus (HBV), human papillomavirus (HPV), human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), Helicobacter pylori (H.pylori), and others, and could be prevented through behavioral changes, vaccines, or antibiotics.

In addition, many of the more than 1 million skin cancers expected to be diagnosed in 2009 could be prevented by protection from the sun’s rays and avoiding indoor tanning.

Regular screening examinations by a health care professional can result in the detection and removal of precancerous growths, as well as the diagnosis of cancers at an early stage, when they are most treatable including cancers of the breast, colon, rectum, cervix, prostate, oral cavity, and skin.

Some cancers can be prevented by removal of precancerous tissue include cancers of the cervix, colon, and rectum.

The National Cancer Institute estimates that approximately 11.1 million Americans with a history of cancer were alive in January 2005. About 1,479,350 new cancer cases are expected to be diagnosed in 2009.

Fight back! Get regular screenings! Lose the extra pounds and quit smoking! Most of all, be brave. Cancer is a cruel and vicious adversary, but I’ve met some strong, powerful people in my life. I believe in the power of people to create change, to make things better, to spite evil and live fully. Cancer is evil, but we are stronger.

My prayers to cancer victims and their families and friends.

--factual information above is from the American Cancer Society’s Statistics for 2009. To see the complete report, go to http://www.cancer.org/docroot/STT/STT_0.asp

Fiction and Reality

608 days ago I submitted a manuscript to Kate Duffy. I was one of the finalists in the Kensington Brava novella contest, and she'd asked to see the story. All this time, I'd been waiting and wondering what was going on with the story, then this past week, Kate Duffy passed away from complications due to cancer.

 

To say I was floored is putting it mildly. For the past couple of days, I've been thinking how easy it is to forget that editors and publishers have actual lives they're living just like I do. They aren't just eating, sleeping and breathing in order to read and acquire manuscripts. How did I forget that in the first place?

 

It's not like I don't do a lot of other things too--I have a day job. I have a kid to raise and a husband who on any given day is raising me. I've got a house to take care of, which I do with varying degrees of success. I've got friends--I keep finding people I haven't talked to in decades (on Facebook). I have extended family. My sister, in fact, struggled all year with breast cancer along with three other members of my family. To say that the annual visit for my mammogram is a little frightening would be putting it mildly. (On a side note, sis called yesterday to tell me that she'd bought a new T-shirt. It read, "Yeah, they're fake. My real ones tried to kill me.")

 

That's my life. Yet, every day, I catch myself in some situation and find I'm mentally rearranging that situation to turn it into an interesting novel plot. How weird is that? When did I get life and novels mixed together? Life isn't a novel. Novels are wonderful, amazing things, but they are still just words on the page. Life is something else altogether. I joke with my writer buddies that life "is all novel fodder", but I'm not sure I know what it is. I'm not sure I have a good handle on what life is at all.

 

Kate actually called to tell me I was a finalist in the contest. I wish I could remember exactly what she said. All I do remember thinking is, "That's a no-nonsense woman who knows her business." She touched a lot of lives with her love for books. She touched mine.

 

 

Fun and Hiliarious

Today's blog post is easy...check out this website. I love those Bud Light commercials, Real Men of Genius! My personal favorite is "Mr. Rolling Cooler Cooler Roller."

 

http://food.thefuntimesguide.com/2006/03/fastfoodsalads.php

New Moon coming in November

Saw the New Moon trailer on hulu.com today. Looking forward to that movie.

 

http://www.hulu.com/watch/95474/movie-trailers-the-twilight-saga-new-moon

 

 

4 Cups for Deep Cover!

"I loved Deep Cover and it earned the 4 Cups I gave it. The book sucked me in from the very beginning and kept me glued to my seat to the very end. Moira Reid is a wonderful writer who made Claire and Butch come to life for me. Deep Cover was an action-packed spell-binding book that I honestly think will keep the readers glued to it from beginning to end. I look forward to reading more of Moira Reid’s books in the future."

Silver
Reviewer for Coffee Time Romance & More

See whole review here:
http://www.coffeetimeromance.com/BookReviews/deepcover.html

Write or Die!

I get stuck on any given day when trying to write. A buddy recommended this website to me the other day. It’s called Write or Die, and if you haven’t heard of it, you might want to check it out.

What’s the website do? Using it helps a writer get the words on the page (or the screen). It gets the book written. From the website:

“The idea is to instill in the would-be writer with a fear of not writing. We do this by employing principles taught in Introduction to Psychology. Anyone remember Operant Conditioning and Negative Reinforcement?

“Negative Reinforcement strengthens a behavior because a negative condition is stopped or avoided as a consequence of the behavior.”

I’ve had some great experiences with it. If you’re looking for a way to “just get it done”, it’s definitely worth a gander.

http://lab.drwicked.com/writeordie.html

Hunky Heroes

Saw Harry Potter this weekend...very cool. Got to thinking about Hunky Heroes. Not that Harry’s all that hunky--more than likely, I was thinking of how young Robert Pattinson was when he played Diggory in the earlier Potter movie. Now he is hunky. (Still a mite young, but time will fix that.)

Then I got to digging out photos I use to inspire me when I’m writing my own heroes. Here are a few.

Yeah, that's inspirational. Time to go write.